Let me start out with a question that, over the years, I’ve asked a considerable number of people on different occasions: “What specific skill would you be most interested in studying extensively and pursuing mastery in?”
Needless to say, I didn’t always use these exact same words. I experimented extensively with modifying the phrasing of the question, trying to make it easy for people to reply in a somewhat meaningful way. Despite my efforts, the words I chose rarely triggered the kind of reaction I was looking for. I learned that quite a few people have rather mixed feelings about the pursuit of mastery in anything, and I came to realize that there are a lot of possible responses that don’t actually answer the question. More often than not, what I got felt much more like a poor excuse of an answer, making me realize how unknowingly narrow-minded, or rather mentally blocked, most people are when it comes to thinking about skill acquisition.
I always hoped for the person in front of me to address a subject matter that they felt personally concerned with and deeply curious about. From my point of view, I offered them an opportunity to talk about something that could help them reach their personal and professional goals. I wanted them to acknowledge the notion that there’s always a skill that can be learned or expanded in order to give us an edge, as well as aid us on our path of self-actualization. In short, I hoped to inspire people through raising the subject of skill-acquisition. I tried to get people to see reason in having a good answer to my question because of the benefits it might bring about. However, over time, I became ever more aware that most people aren’t used to thinking in this particular way.
In everyday life, we rarely encounter individuals who are easily able to summon as well as maintain a genuine interest in following approaches that allow for the pursuit of mastery in a potentially life-changing skill. Many people are by no means comfortable with setting high, let alone highly intriguing goals. They might talk about wanting to become a better leader, more capable of using some cutting-edge software application, or learn about a topic that is in demand in their professional field. Still, when you ask them what they’ve done so far in order to attain a considerable level of expertise, it becomes obvious that they haven’t put a lot of effort into finding the best approach to go about it. And, the way they talk usually creates the impression that they’re far from eager to get emotionally invested.
On the other hand, there are those people who take joy from fantasizing about things like learning a foreign language, engaging in physical exercise, playing an instrument, becoming proficient at some craft that they’re curious about, or even becoming a published author. These people can indeed get quite emotional and inspired over talking about whatever it is that they fancy. However, in most cases, they haven’t developed the level of tenacity and strategic thinking required to effectively follow through with a well thought out sequence of concrete action steps that would allow for them to pull off what they like to fantasize about. But also, you wouldn’t expect them to muster the perseverance necessary to stick with a mostly arbitrary and ultimately inefficient approach, long enough to reach any level of expertise worth mentioning.
Many contributing factors can be relevant in this context. However, one of these factors stands out to me much more than the others.
When it comes to skill-building related goals, most people have a nasty habit of putting all of their focus on what they feel comfortably able to imagine themselves accomplishing. Consequently, the notion of them pursuing a learning path that bears the potential to make an incisive and earth-shakingly positive difference in their life can easily trigger a stress reaction that opens a door for self-sabotaging thoughts and emotions. Of course, when this happens to us, we aren’t necessarily fully aware of it. By definition, when it comes to our own blind spots, our inner map of reality doesn’t see eye to eye with the perspectives of other people who aren’t entangled in our self-sabotaging patterns. So, in order to illustrate this, let me give you an example from my own life.
In 2014, my very first blog project was still online. I had published more than 100 articles under the overarching title “Wolf among Dogs. Strategies for Non-Conformists on Pursuit of World Dominance”. Most of my readers either loved or hated the provocative angle that my articles took. However, not everybody was able to read the content I had produced, simply because it was written in German. At some point, a Ukrainian friend of mine asked me: “Why don’t you write in English?”
The spontaneous answer I gave felt completely self-evident to me: “Because my English isn’t good enough.” At the time, I was fluent in English, yet certainly as fluent as a native. So, writing in English with the intent to release the results of my writing to the general public felt like a huge challenge. I don’t actually recall how she worded her response. However, I do remember the look on her face. That look pretty much told me: “Oh, I wasn’t aware that the fact that your English might not be as good as you would like it to be could be considered a reason to give a crap.”
The thing is, this particular friend of mine is quite accomplished when it comes to not giving a crap, usually in expedient ways. Although she’s occasionally hit a wall in life, she’s done quite well when it comes to not letting herself be stopped by “minor details”. I’m not denying that I would have wished for her to be more strategic on a number of occasions. She’s had some car accidents, as well as other inconvenient situations, that she likely could have avoided by thinking further ahead. Still, she’s certainly one of those individuals who sporadically cross my mind when I encounter situations that I feel neither willing nor fully prepared to deal with.
We can all benefit from having a number of dependable friends at arm’s reach who, either frequently or occasionally, alert our attention to limiting and inhibiting perspectives of ours. We need people who are able to challenge our thinking. Therefore, we need people who are willing to disagree with us. Every so often, it’s not enough to merely keep your “critics” in the back our head. Some of the smarter ones we should welcome as part of our inner circle, in order for them to be able to stop us from taking unnecessary detours.
At times, doing what’s necessary in order reach an ambitious learning goal can feel like a bulky pill to swallow. When it comes to acquiring truly valuable skills, I’ve rarely ever felt all-out able to vividly imagine myself reaching an advanced level of expertise. In other words, I was repeatedly dumb enough to make myself believe that it would be too much of a challenge to take the steps that I would need to take. To some extent, this is due to the fact that my spirits and inner drive were constantly dampened throughout my childhood and youth. However, that’s not the interesting part. Instead, what I consider intriguing is the fact that it was usually in those situations when I decided to give a crap about the resistance I met, and put all of my focus on finding a way to pursue a specific learning goal anyway, when I was able to make the biggest and most significant differences in my life.
I like to tell to people that, when it comes to the pursuit mastery in any skill, we shouldn’t concede to the narrowness of our own horizon. Frankly, it’s not worth it. At times, when it comes to doing what it takes to get out of a situation that we want to put an end to, being able to give a crap about us not feeling quite able yet to clearly picture ourselves reaching a specific goal can be essential. Which requires a mindset that can hardly be practiced too often.
I’m by no means saying that not giving a crap about the limitedness of one’s own perspective is all that it takes to create an intended outcome. Of course, in order to reach any goal we set, we have to give a crap about finding ways that make this outcome possible. We have to give a crap about picking a goal that suits our needs and serves our purpose. We have to give a crap about becoming the person we need to be in order to be able to reach that goal. And, of course, we need to give a crap about the benefits that reaching the goal we’ve set is supposed to bring about.
There are things that we have to give a crap about and others that we need to learn to ignore, or, to the very least, not be bothered by. When I eventually started writing in English, I still wasn’t confident that I would reach a decent level of proficiency within a foreseeable, as well as manageable, time frame. I just did it, despite the doubts I had. I engineered an approach, made the necessary arrangements, and followed the steps. Truth be told, I could have made the same choice much earlier. Fortunately, I can name other interests of mine that I have been less indecisive about.
I started immersing myself into learning about intuition when I was still in my teens. Back in those days, I had no clue how much of a difference developing my intuitive receptiveness would eventually make. I didn’t expect that, just a few years later, I would start teaching practical intuition and utilize my intuitive skillset for all kinds of purposes. But also, I had no way of knowing that, while my intuitive senses became an easily accessible toolset in certain areas of my life pretty quickly, I would need to gather years of experience in order to be able to apply it in situations that triggered a certain level of resistance in me. And, I didn’t anticipate that it would take me quite a long time to adequately deal with individuals who are slick at blocking people from their intuitive access by triggering the kind of clarity-inhibiting emotional patterns that have a nasty tendency to surface whenever we’re at our most vulnerable.
I don’t think I would have ever taken up any learning project if I had waited for myself to feel truly ready for it. Of course, I didn’t always take action right away. In some cases, I procrastinated more than in others. But also, I acknowledged that the right moment to start isn’t always now, as otherwise we would need to follow all interests we have, or could potentially develop, at once. Also, we’d be forced to indiscriminately take every opportunity that comes our way, which, quite obviously, isn’t realistically feasible.
If we want to wield the greatest possible and most expedient impact on our own as well as on other people’s lives, we have to become clear on what our priorities are. That said, it needs to be our priorities that we set, instead of mere reflections of the rules and patterns of conventional normality that we’ve been deeply imprinted with. Honest self-reflection will usually allow for us to realize that whatever holds us back isn’t who we are but who we were told, drilled, and habituated to be. And, if honest self-reflection doesn’t do the trick, hopefully you have friends around who make you realize that you’re bullshitting yourself. Either way, more often than not, waiting for ourselves to become ready is a luxury we should only very scarcely rely on having at our disposal.
At this point, you might ask yourself how you’re supposed to put all this into practice on a daily basis. The thing is, most of the articles on this blog are aimed to address at least some aspects of what I just wrote about, from one angle or another. Therefore, don’t expect me to be able to offer you a complete and comprehensive answer within just a few sentences. Still, there’s a simple insight that I believe can help you in a lot of situations.
The way I’ve come to see it, the vast majority of people don’t fail or hit a wall because of those big challenges that they aren’t up for. They fail because they miss out on chances to take on small challenges that they’d easily be able to conquer. They fail, because they can’t be bothered taking the small steps that are often necessary to prepare for the big leap. They fail, because they tell themselves that taking the path of least resistance means staying within their comfort zone and turning two blind eyes to the fact that this, quite obviously, will never get them anywhere. They fail because they resent the idea that life is a winding road that doesn’t allow for us to always know what’s behind the next corner. They fail because they refuse to accept that, if you want to do what feels impossible to do, you often need to do a number of things that feel possible, yet not always convenient, without knowing where exactly this will lead you. And, they fail because they don’t know when it’s time to give a crap about the resistance they feel and just commit to a seemingly impossible goal.
So, maybe you don’t have much of a clue what having complete and utter confidence in your own ability to pursue mastery in any kind of skill is supposed to be like. You might feel unsure, and possibly insecure, about studying an area of interest that requires from you to get past a sizable learning curve in ways that are largely unforeseeable to you. In that case, not giving (too much of) a crap about what holds you back will likely serve you well. In fact, in almost any case, it will get you much further than procrastinating.
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